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Beware of the Narcissist’s Anger and Rage (30 Days of Narcissism) – by Dr. Ramani Durvasula
The destructive force of a narcissist’s anger and rage can be extremely distressing and, at times, even dangerous. Understanding the dynamics behind their explosive emotions is crucial for those dealing with narcissistic individuals. This article aims to shed some light on this distressing aspect of narcissistic behavior, providing insights from Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy towards others. While narcissists can mask their true nature charmingly, their anger streak can emerge explosively, leaving those around them shocked and traumatized.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a distinguished psychologist, has delved deep into the world of narcissism and provides groundbreaking insights into this disorder. In her series “30 Days of Narcissism,” Dr. Durvasula highlights the various facets of narcissistic behavior, with one crucial element being the narcissist’s anger and rage.
Narcissistic individuals often perceive any criticism or disagreement as a personal attack on their fragile ego. This triggers their anger, leading to aggression and a violent emotional outpouring. The anger displayed by narcissists is intense, volatile, and disproportionate to the situations triggering it. They may resort to yelling, insulting, manipulating, gaslighting, or even physical violence to assert their dominance and maintain control over those they view as inferior.
Understanding the underlying causes of a narcissist’s anger is essential to protect oneself from its harmful effects. Their fury often stems from deep-rooted feelings of insecurity, shame, and fear of abandonment. To mask their vulnerabilities, narcissists adopt defensive strategies, such as anger and rage, to assert control and avoid penetrating introspection.
It’s important to recognize that when confronted with a narcissist’s anger, it’s not a sign of your wrongdoing or weakness. Instead, it reflects their inability to handle feelings of vulnerability and any challenge to their self-perceived superiority. Narcissists are skilled at shifting blame onto others and manipulating situations to preserve their inflated sense of self-worth.
Dr. Durvasula advises setting firm boundaries when dealing with a narcissist’s anger. Understand that their rage is not about you, but rather a reflection of their internal struggles. Once you establish your boundaries, making it clear that you will not tolerate abusive behavior, narcissists tend to back down temporarily as they fear the potential loss of control over you.
However, it’s crucial to remain cautious when dealing with a narcissistic individual as their anger can quickly resurface with even greater intensity. Be mindful of your emotional and physical well-being, and if necessary, seek support from friends, family, or professional therapists who specialize in dealing with narcissism.
In conclusion, understanding the intricacies of a narcissist’s anger and rage empowers individuals to protect themselves from its destructive impact. Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s expert insights provide valuable guidance to navigate this treacherous terrain. Remember, it’s not about you; it’s about their deep-rooted insecurities. Build strong boundaries, seek support, and prioritize your well-being when dealing with narcissistic anger.
The narc I have in my life doesn't so much instantly rage. She just gets this slow smoldering undercurrent of anger going on. You know that you've done or said something but you don't know what. You just know that she's ANGRY.
I had had an extremely painful emotional episode after having been told by my daughter that they wouldn’t be staying at our Ouse when they move. I cried, and cried, and cried, and on ONE day between 3-4pm for an hour I vented to my husband….who then became fiery angry with me by evening, oh my gawd, I FKN HATE HIM for doing this to me that after all the emotional PAIN I WAS FEELING, and was literally overwhelmed by it…this desperately trying to explain that him…but fk no he says there’s ZERO excuse for my behavior, WTF. I WAS having an episode. I have major depressive disorder. IT IS A HEALTH DISORDER, that he knows damn well I’ve dealt with our entire 39years of marriage…he’ll change my words, rewrite the narrative to justify his rage. Today he says(after I ALREADY looked hi, in the eye saying I’m sorry it makes you feel that way)….he texted me saying g, “Do YOU even know WHY I became so angry? As if I’m somehow to blame for his anger…..a lightbulb went shing8ng SO BRIGHT today when he said> So here I go again another emotional outburst as I realize my husband then I suspected to be a narcissist is he’s playing the victim I wish I had time here to explain the scenario but believe me did not justify his anger rage in fact he should’ve been showing me sympathy and compassion and helping me with what I was going through but he made it about himself all about himself and it was nothing about him and then when I say that that really pisses them off then it wasn’t about him oh my God it makes me so mad
Call it what it is – it's a pathetic temper tantrum from a spoilt brat who never grew up. It is not worthy of your fear or terror, utter contempt is the way to deal with it.
Borderlines also rage.
I’m really struggling. My best friend of 15 yrs and common law husband of two strangled me on 6/28/23 and almost killed me. I’m. Barely hanging on. Trying to get on with my life. I’m still in the house. Full restraining order. He technically; legally owns the house but I have legal residence. The dogs are here and I’m trying to focus on school. My heart is so broken. I can’t tell if I’m coming or going. He’s quiet, sick all the time…. Almost seems he’s committed to being sick and the victim. I was sober for past 4 days but today I just snapped. I’m so lost. Sad and confused. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Help?
Me and my dog get scared when he gets mad over dum things.
Yesterday my daughter experienced her husband's first rage, she was truly traumatized , I had to pray for her several times and remind her she is no longer in that situation but what also shocked her was that while she was going thru this she called me to pick.her up and she had me on speaker phone and upon him hearing my voice he sat down like a puppy, she was shocked how he was acting liking a demon and quickly turned into a sheep…I always been kind to him so it can't be fear (I'm her mom)..can u elaborate on this plz
My ex toxic friend, she hated to be called on her bull…then she would say 100 things to tear me down…looking for reaction. This last time when she started raging, I said nothing and haven't said anything since. It has only been 4 days, yet I haven't made any kind of contact.
All narcissistic people, who exact their narcissistic rage, on a vulnerable sibling or their elderly parents!! Are just psychos, they should be locked up and the key thrown away!! Good riddance, they can then go and rot in hell
I said to my husband if you think how you treat me is ok would you talk and act withthis way in front of our friends toward me and he said no and I said I didn’t think so.
Yes!!! Monstrous!
Doctor, thank you for this video. My wife of three months whom I dated long distance for 5 years is a narcissist . I didnt know she had this kind of rage until we moved into together. She yells and screams, slams her fist on the table and slams doors in the kitchen. Last night she took food out of the refrigerator out of hypersensitivity to what she thought I said and threw it all over the floor and screaming how much she hates me. Her face is terrifying when she is in this rage. Her own daughters are scared of her when she gets mad. I was so scared and humilated by this behavior because the neighbors hear her screaming and raging tantrums. I cant deal with this anymore. We are getting a divorce soon. I knew her behavior was not normal. Thank you, Doctor, for explaining exactly what it is. She has a lot of inner hatred with herself and how she feels she hasnt done much with her life by her age. So, she is projecting it on me. I don't deserve it. So it's time to leave before it gets out of control. I don't feel safe living with someone like this. I cannot even talk to her without her getting very upset. Throw in the fact that she is obsessive compulsive and phobic about germs . Its a trifecta for psychological chaos and it is time to leave. She wants to be by herself and I think for her safety and everyone else's , I think she is correct in her statement.
Spot on
I’ve exsperienced the worst worst rage where it just blows up no fighting when hid screaming I’m going to kill you
Yes I’ve been in hospital punched out
Left him heaps to be stalked
Workplace r stalked
Every few days threatens with rage to kill spat on thumped and so so scared of him
Thank you for making your poin w/0 a lengthy prologue
I need advice , how do i avoid physical confrontation with my brother? he destroyed my entire reputation for work at purpouse , i've not been able to recover financially ibn 3 years and he manipulates my mother all the time because everyone thinks he is "quiet and shy" but he is the most horrible person on earth , we live together , he knows exactly what he did but if i let myself be controlled with the appropiate emotions which would be the ones of destroyed life , he is thin and short , and i am tall and strong so i wouldnt fight him , and he knows i loved him so much trough my life and thats why he keeps on the manipulation, so everyone thinks im the bad person , its always been like that , using my looks to justify that im the abuser , i am not , please help , i know theres people in similar situations. please help
How about recording it while it’s happening
They know exactly what they are doing. There is no short fuse. It is meant to terrify and it does. Then you will do everything they want.
thank u
My narc has appointed himself judge, jury and executioner of punishment which NEVER fits my apparent 'crime'. I sat playing a game of tetris until 10pm and then took an after hours, unavoidable work call at 11pm and it's been 3 days of being screamed at, accused of being selfish and a batch, then silent treatment, absolute twisting reality and false accusations to packing his car and going away without any indication of how long and leaving his son with me, so bizarre I keep looking for cameras to see if I'm on some reality TV show
my ex friend and i are artists. she wants every offspring character to look like kitsunes with wings so she enforced that rule on me, never allowing me to use any of my traits. she would also take control of those characters as well, forcing them to live lives exactly how she wanted. eventually i had enough and took back one of my characters and made her completely over, using my character traits. i always felt that if you created something then you should be able to your ideas. people loved it but when she saw it she raged and cried, demanding that i change it back. then it blew up into a huge fight. in the end i was put through a vicious smear campaign during my grandmother's funeral, and she had stolen the offspring character from me and turned her into the kitsune warrior queen she just had to have…. i gave her the silent treatment and put her on block forever, showing her that there's a price to be paid with wanting your way with EVERYTHING. the loss of supply and a ten year friendship. ten years later she was like i had a pleasure working with a lot of artists but one. it was so bad!!!!! wah wah wah.
Does self harm, such as a person hurting themself, by punching and slapping their own face, and threatening to kill themself exemplifies the topic of anger and rage?
The Doctor looks like she is loosing weight. 🙂
I just deleted a paragraph because I panic when I try to tell what is going for fear of it being used against me. I am so ashamed, as this is my second marriage with a narcissist. I am where I am because of me and my poor choices. I feel like I am getting what I deserve.
Has narciss or anyone else ever told you that you can be trained like a dog?
Why they rage in hidden doors then they can switch to very flirtatious and charismatic.
I agree, I remember the rage
I see that in the comments, there are mainly people who dealt with narcissists and witnessed their rage tantrums. But I'm the one, i can't control my emotions at all. When i was younger, my rage was rampant, i had a lot of problems in family and in relationship. I was single for several years and tried to manage my emotions. Now, I try my best to react appropriately in any situation but i only postpone my anger i don't lose it, i swallow it in the critical situation and it makes me look nice in the surface but then when i have accumulated more than i can carry i experience a huge break down with tears, moaning, rage and frustration + i feel ashamed for that. And it's all over a small insignificant thing, i get upset so much that i want to stop doing my duties, quit my commitments. And just die. But after this tantrum is over i feel ashamed for that. How do i live my life? Should i isolate myself from people? It works by the way. If i don't see anyone, I'm calm. I think about ending my life because i will ruin all possible relationship again and again anyway. I try to change but I'm losing this battle. I can't leash my rage.
My parents were empaths but I remember dealing with narcissistic relatives (aunts, uncles, etc.) who had these bizarre and scary rages whenever their overinflated egos were under threat.
My goodness every time I watch your channel it’s like you can see into my house! This describes what I live with. People ask why don’t you leave? The rage is terrifying. If someone says they want to leave, the rage will be coming for sure. And it is paralyzing to think what that looks like.
I’ve never been able to figure out if my father is a narcissist, but if Dr. Ramani is correct, he must be. He did physically abuse my mother, and he has the worst temper of anyone I’ve ever met. Childhood was an anxious and tense existence. We all lived in fear of his rage. Even now at age 74, he is just as angry. Then there’s all the other stuff, like how he never apologizes, he thinks he’s an expert on that which he isn’t, he broods when he is proven wrong, conversations always come back to him, he thinks he has exclusive knowledge that no one else does, etc.
Oh and driving. Most aggressive, impatient, petty, vengeful driver I’ve ever been in a car with.
I saw exactly this in my niece. I swear her face changed. I saw the look cross her face and I knew she was going to do something and next thing she did. I am afraid for my sister.
Can they change? My fiancé seemed to have changed for a few months but it's starting to come back :/
Their face went red and eyes turned black,one of the most terrifying situations you can be in, like looking at a devil. Then the next moment they act as if nothing happened and snap back to normal,it’s unreal experience
Narc mom hits me
Earlier this yr, I discarded a long time (25+ yrs) narc buddy Ive known since my college days (former roomies, groomsmen in his wedding), & it all started due to his public, rage filled tantrum several yrs ago….theres just some things that cant be forgiven (not that he even acknowledged/apologized) or forgotten….
My ex narcissist husband fly into a rage when I asked for my sons car to send it to the mechanic. My son couldnt use the car because he was using my sons car instead of his car. He felt entitled to the car, which I bought for my son. His rage was so sudden and so furious. Now I cannot see my children for the holidays as they live with him.
I display many of these symptoms. I fear I might be a textbook narcissist.
Re-parent ourselves and learn to regulate emotions!
Why you are focused mainly on men? Does such person deserve help and understanding?
Yep the road rage is on the mark for my ex. It was like he disappeared, once I actually had to punch him in the arm to 'get him back', he was driving so dangerously because he was stuck in his rage and I was terrified, I will never forget that moment.
She’s so right. I see the rage in my narc husband eyes which get this “dark” look n even his face kinda changes into a scary “dark” one if this makes sense
Just tonight he was aggressive n very hostile towards me n baiting me trying to start a fight
I kept calm n came up to my bedroom n shut the door
I’m scared that he’s going to snap so I’m out of here tmrw
What if ur narcissistic an on hi dose kepra I'm going crazy
The most important part is realizing the abuse doesn't make you but it's bc of their immaturity. You Can break the cycle
Autistic People Also Exhibit Rages & Meltdowns.