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Samuel speaks to the betrayed spouse on what anger is costing them in their recovery.
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How could you not have anger when they keep lieing and carrying on this lifestyle and denial?
Here is my problem I feel I'm trying. My spouse feels I'm not.
I been having a hard ti.e with lieing to him.
I saw the person my affair partner went to after the affair ended. And didn't tell my husband. He said you with held information so you lied to me because I didn't tell him. What does anyone think.
The anger, the rage, the pain the betrayed feels is due to the Betrayal Trauma that they caused. The betrayal trauma has to be addressed and treated before anything else.
My husband stated they was just friends at the bar. After this all came out I don’t want him hanging around with women or his friends. That’s all they do is go after women. I don’t think married men need to hang out with single men my dad told me this would happen and I didn’t believe him.
My girlfriend of 8 years left me for an affair with a married woman. She refuses to end the "friendship". They had sex a few times but she is attached to her child and won't end the friendship.
My wife has always had a temper. About 2 years ago i stupidly started a sns conversation with another woman. This was dicovered 3 months ago. My wife was crushed. It has destroyed her. Her anger is incedible, violent, destructive and she is harming herself. I'm desperately trying to find a way forward. Im trying to be humble and understand but I get so frustrated when she tries to hurt herself or swing at me.
I dont know what to do.
I betrayed my fiancé’s trust and disrespected her. She has been sleeping in the guest room and I sleep in the bedroom for the past week. I am afraid her past relationships where she was cheated on are affecting this one. I made an in appropriate joke via text with my ex. How do I or we work past her past relationships to show or prove this one is different and can be fruitful? She believes I am not committed to the engagement which couldn’t be farther from the truth.
It sucks! I’m anger for 3 months and I cry everyday! I cried sooooo much last week that I got sick, not fair what this is causing in me!!! So frustrating!
Thanks again Sam, I am still struggling to conquer the anger ,(I am betrayed) three months back, trying so hard to calm down and I know , by doing this it going to push him away from me, need to set some boundaries, my question is how & when to set those boundaries?
Once again, great video. I have worked very, very hard to set appropriate boundaries to protect myself (the betrayed) and, at the same time, offer her some healing. They are very reasonable. I have offered to communicate calmly with these boundaries in place (we are living apart). The answer has been, "No." She wants to pretend that nothing happened but, at the same time, claims to be dealing with immense guilt and shame. It is as if she wants going to a therapist once a week to "fix everything" but is unwilling to do any real work that would take humility and some sacrifice.
And in all this. What if its the unfaithful that WILL NOT TALK! Claims he does not want to even remember it. In my opinion by him not talking. Its pushing me to a NOT CARE POINT in my life. His affair happened 7 months ago. Chose to stay ar place of employment where he did this.
How do you deal with gas lighting?
I did rage and shamed her in the beginning like the first few days after Dday.But after all that we had talks and she swore she told me a everything then a year later she comes clean on more information.So why is it they can’t come clean right away cause now I feel she is hiding more information about the affair and It has me stuck.Its been 2 1/2 years now and I want to bring it up but don’t really know how to start the conversation.
I've watched a plethora of your videos but this is my first smoke-blowing praising in the comments to say thanks for the most articulate, informative, helpful perspectives of the subject on the tube.
I found out on Christmas eve my husband was having an emotional affair with a close family member on my side that sat the kids. I feel like I'm in a lifetime movie. I can't get past when I ask a question and he responds I don't remember or I don't know. A question of you cuddled with her and did a numerous amount if times but you felt no guilt at all. Or would you have stopped at just cuddling if I didnt catch you? Im stuck. I feel like he doesn't care.
Are there any videos that deal with the couples that split up? I love the videos there helping me alot. We had to seperate and not work on staying together. Any videos that maybe help me focus on what i should do , most of these deal more with ppl staying together.
What do you do when i have tried being calm for her to tell the truth and she still drip feed and lied and blamed everything on me for almost 2 yrs now. And even now if i try to stay calm and ask a question it takes 30mins and still not get a real answer still and I can't not blow up after waiting patiently to still get another bs answer of i don't known or i didn't think I was doing that instead of accountability and owning the truth. And then she refers to this video as an excuse of why she can't talk still after 20yrs of lies blame and says I'm shaming her for reminding her of what the last truth about something was and still get excuses or blamed for shaming her when i sat quietly waiting yet again and still not get a real answer that's obvious after 10 different lies about the same thing she has admitted to but still not the truth? Absolutely insane to deal with. Now doesn't actual full disclosure and ground zero still have to be done first?
I found out about 5 months ago that my fiancé had a month long affair 3 months into our relationship with a co-worker. While it certainly could have been worse, and I’m sure many situations out there are, I’m still struggling. We have certainly made progress, and she is giving every effort to repair our relationship, but I still find myself regressing on days, and getting upset or looking for information that brings up my pain again. When this happens I do find myself wanting to just continue arguing, “shaming” her, and making her feel bad for what she’s done. I’ve tried using the timeout method mentioned in the video, and taking a pause, but it only works temporarily and we’ll have a few more good days once I just let it go. I don’t think that what I’m doing is a healthy approach…is there anything I could be doing different so I don’t feel like I’m just dropping my feelings each time? All of your videos have been extremely helpful, and have been a saving grace in leading us to professional help.
Honestly I was just praying over this very thing, anger and boundaries ( I am the betrayed). I so struggle with self control in setting boundaries and how to do that in a healthy way. God is good. He always provides help when I need it ❤️