On today’s show, we hear about:
A mother worried about telling her son he’s the product of sexual assault
A woman concerned her mom can’t afford a monetary gift
A woman wondering how to help her sister cope with Parkinson’s
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well—and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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How to Tell the Hard Truth to Someone You Love
Love is not always easy and sometimes it requires having difficult conversations. Telling the hard truth to someone you love can be one of the most challenging things you will ever have to do. Whether it’s addressing a personal flaw, dealing with a troubling situation, or expressing concerns about their behavior, it’s crucial to approach these conversations with care and sensitivity. Here are some tips to help you navigate this delicate process:
1. Choose the right time and place: Timing is everything when it comes to discussing sensitive topics. Ensure you pick a moment when both of you are calm and have enough time and privacy to have an open and honest conversation. Avoid confronting them when they are already stressed or overwhelmed, as this can lead to defensive or hostile reactions.
2. Be clear about your intentions: Make sure your loved one understands that your motivation for bringing up the issue is rooted in your concern for their well-being or the relationship. Assure them that you genuinely care about them and want to help them grow.
3. Use “I” statements: Frame the conversation around your personal feelings and experiences rather than accusing or attacking them. Start your sentences with “I feel” or “I have noticed,” as this will make them less defensive and more open to hearing what you have to say. Instead of saying, “You always…” or “You never…,” you can express, “I have been feeling…” or “It seems like…”
4. Be honest but compassionate: Honesty is crucial, but it should always be balanced with empathy and compassion. Speak truthfully, but soften the blow by expressing your love and support throughout the conversation. Stay away from being overly critical or judgmental, as it can make them defensive and hinder the chances of them truly hearing and understanding your concerns.
5. Listen actively: Remember that the conversation should not be one-sided. Give them the space to respond, express their feelings, and share their perspective. Demonstrate active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and summarizing what they say to ensure you understand them correctly. By allowing them to speak, you establish an atmosphere of trust and respect.
6. Offer solutions, not just criticism: Instead of solely pointing out their flaws or mistakes, come prepared with potential solutions or suggestions for improvement. Offer your assistance or suggest resources that could be helpful for them. This shows that you are invested in their growth and are willing to support them throughout the process.
7. Be patient: Change doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s essential to be patient with your loved one. Understand that they might need time to process the information, reflect on it, and decide how to address the issue. Respect their journey and give them the space they need without pressuring them or constantly reminding them of the conversation.
8. Follow up: After the conversation, check in with them regularly to see how they are doing and how they are progressing. Express your ongoing support and reiterate that you are there for them whenever they are ready to talk or seek help.
Telling the hard truth to someone you love is undoubtedly a challenging task. However, doing it with sensitivity, empathy, and understanding can lead to growth and a stronger bond between you. Remember that your intention should always be rooted in love and care for their well-being, as this will provide a solid foundation for an open and honest conversation that can ultimately lead to positive change.
Omg! This poor woman! I would feel she has the right to protect her child from the creep who took advantageous of her. Inform the child when they are at a mature age to process. So very sad.
My blood boiled listening to your advice to the woman who is trying to do everything right by her son who is the product of a violent rape. John Delony – HORRIBLE ADVICE. As someone who has walked in these very shoes, I cannot beg this woman enough to NOT LISTEN TO JOHN DELONY'S POOR ADVICE. To this woman: please, please, please – follow your gut instinct. The legal adoption by your now husband, the protecting him from a rapist, etc. Sure, these awful "23 and me" things do exist, but your job is to protect your son until he is 18 years of age. Him learning who his "sperm donor" is will only hurt him, hold him back, and guide him to find relation and connection to something so evil – it will lead him down THAT path rather than the whole, positive, strong foundation of a life you're trying to create for him. Delony – I am appalled.
DNA hides no secrets.
John loves his own knowledge. That's why he is in counseling.
I can understand John's answer but I recommend she learns about the related laws in her state and seek legal counsel.
Rapists are NOT ALLOWED to have visitations with a child that was conceived in rape, if THEY WERE jailed and convicted.
I wish there were a system that protects women who were assaulted and children that are conceived from it. That father has no right to see or know about that baby. However, I can see how so many woman who hate the guy or don’t want to deal with him seeing the child, would use that card if a system was set up to ban rapists from knowing about their children. If you can rape someone you have no bounds to what you might do to a child
“We’re basically married” but you’re not lol
Dr. Delony, you got that first caller WAY wrong. I am so dissappointed in you. The law in almost all states do not require a rape victim to have a continuing relationship with her rapist because that rape resulted in a child. In those states, parental rights
for rapists can be terminated without the need for a conviction.
Minnesota being the exception
What kind of screwed up world do we live in where a rapist is allowed any parental rights? God help us..
I don’t understand why Dr. D thinks a rapist should have a relationship with a child created through rape. “He maybe wants to be best dad on earth”? Excuse me, what will this guy teach his boy, how to become a rapist, how to hurt others? Biology isn’t everything, he’s not his father.
I focus on untruths, only tell them what they want to hear.
I would not allow a rapist near my child. Invite him to access your life- absolutely not. There are limits to what can be expected of a mother
Well you are wrong here John no rapist has the right to know his child… a mothers first job is to protect and take care of her child.. when this man grows up in a healthy family and he is upset because mom protected him but he has a solid family background.. He can make better decisions. Don’t put children in dysfunctioning relationships.. these man has step over the line when he RAPE her…his mind isn’t right..
I hope the lady still report to REGULAR civilian police, that she was r*ped and the guy who did it. And the proof is the baby!
Hopefully she gets a lawyer to help her case!
First caller: go with your gut and do not do this own your own! The only state in the nation where rapists retain parental rights is Minnesota. You got this. ❤
I absolutely love your show! I binged when I first found you, lol.
Hes not the bio dad Hes the rapist!
This was the worst episode Dr. John has ever done. I'm so disappointed. A huge emphasis needed to be placed on contacting criminal and custody attorneys to see what the next steps would be. Certainly guilting the mom into contacting her rapist is one of the worst things I've ever heard. Any person who assaults the other parent automatically forfeits their parental rights. The law needs to reflect this. The safety of the child and mother here are paramount. It seems as though the military is backing this loser to save face. Hard to say. But, considering the fact that the caller isn't married to the "stepfather" yet, the alleged rapist appeared to be exonerated in military court, and the child doesn't know about this guy, and is too young to understand the complexity of his parentage, all of this mess needs to be brought up to the lawyers, as well as a child psychologist, so that the truth can be revealed in age appropriate ways. The caller seemed skeptical and extremely reluctant to directly contact the man who hurt her, and I can't blame her at all. You did okay with the second caller, and were your usual amazing self with the sister. But you dropped the big ball with the survivor and her child. I hope you have her information so you can make this right.
I will add that my father financially helped me a few times . . Always with major strings Attatched! First with my first car in college . . He dictated size/engine size/ brand & had to be new . . & he Did Not want me taking out a car loan!(even tho that would have helped build credit). Oh yes I paid him back, but ended up with more of an expensive (& size of) car than I wanted . . . Do as I said or he would disown me & tell all my relatives how ungrateful I am when “he’s just trying to help”!! Same thing when I was a single parent of 2 young children (kids dad had a medical brain injury & ended up in LT care permanently) & looking to buy a small house for us; helped with down payment (again I paid that back) but dictated size/specifics etc etc.
Never again!!!!
The even bigger kicker?? He told all the relatives about how much he helped & NEVER told them I paid the $$ back!!
Yes I was greatful for the help but it came at a steep price!
Btw I am 65 now . . .
My brother has been raising his wife’s son since he was 6 months old. My nephew was the product of a one night stand that I always had the feeling wasn’t the most friendly encounter, knew he had a child (he had impregnated many women around the same time including his live in girlfriend). My brother had an attorney send him papers to sign to adopt him years after marrying his wife. The bio father, who had chosen to only see him once and never be in his life, then said “oh, well what if I don’t want to sign it?” The attorney said “the We’ll come after you for back child support.” He signed them. This man ended up passing away shortly after anyway. Point is, considering how this child was conceived, the father should know and be presented with a legal way to get out of her mess he created and give the real father in this situation the opportunity to adopt your son. (A good attorney will threaten criminal or legal action outside of the military). Then no secrets come out later and your son can learn the truth in full when the time is appropriate and he can grasp what rape means. Obviously, a 4 yr old cannot.
Move to a state with better terms for your situation.