What is financial abuse? What are examples of financial abuse? Financial control can be part of a nefarious plot and key part of making the victim feel impotent, dependent, and isolated. Because financial abuse is so damaging, it must be addressed in the divorce. Why does financial abuse happen? How do you identify financial abuse in a relationship?
For more information, read Divorcing the Narcissist:
What motivates the abuser? Why do some spouses feel the need to be in absolute control of the family finances? Domestic financial abuse is about control. Financial control could include using legitimate financial tools designed to prevent fraud, for the abusive purpose of tracking the other spouse. The abuser may keep the other spouse in absolute darkness as to marital resources and debts.
Lack of communication is an issue for many couples facing divorce. But the controlling spouse may never discuss finances with the victim. Financial abuse can involve keeping the other spouse’s name off the title to marital property. Abusive behavior includes paying the bills by using all of the victim’s separate money first. Financial abuse can be criminal, too. As with fraud, embezzlement, and extortion. Some narcissists look to financial abuse as a primary tool for control.
How is financial abuse proved in court? Proving financial abuse can be challenging. It’s important to provide documentation of the abuse. Witnesses may also testify to what they know firsthand.
What should you do? Get safe. Get counseling. Get an experienced family lawyer. Get help from a financial advisor with the proper credentials and experience. When the divorce complaint is filed, Tennessee’s mandatory injunction goes into effect. Your state may have similar provisions. If not, discuss with your lawyer filing for specific financial injunctions.
Help us get out the word about this serious and not often discussed problem.
Areas of Financial Abuse in Divorce:
Ted Talk: Why domestic violence victims don’t leave | Leslie Morgan Steiner:
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My mean soon to be ex has a twin brother who is a lawyer- I have no chance to fight financially- I just want him gone and I will make do
So ironically, I was the primary breadwinner our entire marriage , but still suffered financial abuse. My husband tracked my credit cards and social media and berated me for money I spent even though I was the only one paying bills. So it doesn't even have to be the person making the money.
I’ve only been married for a month, but I’m already experiencing this financial abuse. My husband now wants to control my future salary. I’m an immigrant here in united states, left my stable job back home. I dont know how to escape from this nightmare. We had couple fights because he keeps insisting to have all the financial control in our marriage, he belittles me that i have no capacity of budgeting etc, since I dont live here. He doesn’t want me to have my own savings account too. I never asked money from from to buy the coats I purchased a week ago,i made sure to bring savings with me .he got so mad and told me alot of hurtful words( Like he regrets marrying me, im spending alot already, accused me of alot of stuff too)infact i needed to buy those because i dont have enough coats and no thermal leggings here and im not used to the cold. And he have said alot of stuff. He actually asked me to come back to my home country,which is a relief. I did not protest when he those because im already experiencing these red flags. He said that If I’ll decide to go home I’ll spend for the flight ticket and divorce.(inshort, make things harder for me)But later on said he didn’t mean to say those.
Where currently okay now, but i know.. he’ll insist once I’m already working here. I love him , but I can’t suffer like this forever.
My ex would withhold his (cash) income. He would claim he had “no money” and lead me to believe HE was just broke. I was left to pay for EVERYTHING, believing that I was helping him while he grew his business. I worked overtime for THREE SOLID YEARS and had my first baby during that time. I was allowed 6 weeks of maternity leave which I saved up my vacation time for and went back to work, because I HAD TO.
Thank you so much very very helpful and good to hear.
Do you know or do you take any cases in NV?
My narcissist husband of 8years fraudulently booted me out of a business we owned together. Was visiting my mom upon return I was out.
He then fraudulently sold off our house , claiming that he had wanted to surprise me with a new one – don’t ask me coz we are still tenants (this was during I left him in Jan 2021 – August 2022).
Not only did he sell off the house but his 2 vehicles too.
He couldn’t afford school fees – we are now homeschooling 4 kindergarten- 2nd graders.
He currently has no investments and no insurance on his life.
He’s milking me dry of everything and isn’t even taking care of his children.
Yet he keeps demanding full custody for the children and has never proven to be affectionate with any child.
I wonder how much I can profit off the victims of narcississic abuse on youtube?! I bet this guys making a killing collectively with the banks, attorneys, who are all killing it financially in 2022!
This is so good and very helpful thank you so much.
Okay my husband refused to work constantly, lying about drinking and gambling. He is a Narcissist but I am a codepend and co-narcist. I work all the time and paying all the bills. I bought him multiple vehicles. He started to get successful at a new business and he then gambled a lot of the money and didn't pay his taxes. I admit I allowed him to do this.
The only problem is forensic accountants are very expensive. My husband has cashed out the 401k twice and quit his job twice and so much more. The issue is when they take all the $ and hide everything how do you find these assets if you can’t afford discovery. My husband also cashed out the last 401k right before I filed for divorce so he wouldn’t be legally liable. I have a court date this week. I hope I can expose him. I experienced almost all the things you spoke of. What I’ve learned is I should’ve got out much sooner. But now is still better than the alternative. Thank you sir!
Always having a ready accounting in my head fur when he demands to know what I've bought. Only buying what I have to have at Walmart when I get groceries, and working it into the grocery budget. Making everything homemade out of scrap and paper. Ready to recite to coupons and discounts and why anything was needed. Ready to explain why we own anything we own. Ready to justify keeping anything that belongs to me.
I am trying to separate from my husband and can't because of FINANCIAL ABUSE! I have no access to the bank account, no debit card, no credit cards, ZERO! I live in Nashville Davidson County. Can someone please help me on what can I do? please
LISTEN TO THIS MAN! I'M 71, 25 YR MARRIAGE. STILL TRAPPED. LEARNED THAT WIFE PUT HER MAIDEN NAME ON HOME WE BUILT. HAS KEPT ME FROM BANK ACCOUNTS. SECRET CREDIT CARDS, MAXED. MADE HER CHOICES TO STOP ALL PAYMENTS FOR BILLS WITH MARRIED NAMES WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE. SHE SOLD ALL, ALL THE GOLD FROM YEARS OF JEWELRY FOR SCRAP GOLD WEIGHT SECRETLY. I AM KNOW IN TAX EVASION CONDITIONS DUE TO HER SECRET CHOICE TO NOT DO LAST 5 YRS. FED AND STATE. SHE HAS 2 YR COLLEGE DEGREE OF BANKING AND MONEY SO PUSHED TO DO TAXES. IT IS DISGUSTING IN WV. IN A SUBURB, NO DENTURES, NO GLASSES, NO HEALTH ACCESS. WITH MANY CONDITIONS. TRAPPED. WATCH OUT. TO GOOD TO BE TRUE DATING, PERFECT CONVERSATIONS, DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. IT'S ALL SCORCHED EARTH. ALL.
This was really painful to watch. I wish I would have known this behavior was abuse sooner. 15 years in with 4 children before I got out. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done. My only regret was not leaving sooner.
My ex was emotionally, psychologically, and financially abusive. He is a lawyer. I had no chance of fair representation due to his connections and my being penniless. I was lucky to escape. I am grateful that I survived and was able to get away.
Does the narcissist’s financial fraud affect the victim’s support payments in anyway? Is it possible for the victim to be charged if they have countless proof of financial abuse?
I wish I know this a few years back I could have really use your help my ex husband put me through hell with the stuff you are talking about please contact me thanks
Thank you
I wish I had seen this video three months ago. This is a great video. Thank you
I've been slowly being controlled financially for a year now. Been married almost 13 years. The control started when my child was born. He's done everything to make her love him more and choose him over me. When I started working from home he decided to take my only acct(joint acct) and close it. Now I have no bank acct nor do I have a dollar. He makes me ask him if I want to buy a drink at the gas station. Groceries? He won't even let me use his card to get them, he does the shopping. He also made it to where my vehicle isn't driveable anymore. So not only do I have to ask for every penny and lettl him decide if my cause is worthy, he has worked it so that I'm stuck in the house all the time. I don't even know how to move forward bc I have no means of getting to an attorney or paying for one. He has rich friends and one happens to be one of the best divorce attorneys and typically wins on behalf of the men he represents. If anyone can advise me, I'd appreciate it. Oh, and he also locks his credit card so that I couldn't use it anyway. He unlocks right before he uses it. What a far cry from when I got an inheritance over two years ago. I said it was for the entire family. He had full access and was able to buy when and what he wanted. Now that's gone bc I had to hire a contractor to fix my home. When his inheritance came, I never saw a dime, at least was never able to choose how to spend any amount of it.