Traders eagerly anticipate a booming energy trade as $9 gas is set to materialize. As the chances of a recession become more likely, the markets are pricing in big gains based off the future recovery. “A good recession equals an even better recovery, and retail is willing to take that bet earlier than the big boys” – Wade Bullsworth. As the economy slows, hiring remains strong, but if the economy keeps slowing, and we see a slowdown in jobs, that means the FOMC could potentially pivot, even though JPow pinky promised that they would keep the course. But, a massive 5% crash in home prices and pressure from boomer 401k’s might have the FED rethinking their whole strategy right now. JPow is furiously masturbating over the UK’s decision to turn the printers back on, and it’s only a matter of time before he blows his load into the toner cartridges and fires up the printers again. He’s also sent several dick picks to Yellen but her office has yet to respond to the elongations. As Florida braces for the impact of Hurricane Ian, insurance companies are shitting the bed on the prospects of reroofing the entire state. Disney is optimistic that they can weather the storm by transitioning their park into a fully submerged water wonderland, while also unveiling their new outdoor roller coaster, Space Mountain Unleashed, shortly after the hurricane passes by.
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*chef’s kiss*
Masterclass regard
“A good recession equals an even better recovery, and retail is willing to take that bet earlier than the big boys”
couldn’t have summed up the retardation any better.
This is a beautiful shitpost.
Nuke Ian
Lets fucking go, get the calls goin boyos we moonin
Bank of England bought a day or two but what they did is most terrifying thing I’ve seen since March 2020. Maybe 2008.
I guess someone didn’t get the memo that Ian has hella calls
Really good! You should try and write for the Onion.
Market went up 1% bc dollar went down 1%
One day you will realize the pricing is fake.
The market is regarded.
I don’t want to be a buzzkill, but I really hate the abuse of the news flair.
Why do pension funds buy derivatives which they dont understand. They should be fired after the salesmen who sold them is shot.
Don’t forget English money destruction!
I think we can say the market was taken by the storm
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Btw doesn’t help to pivot unless it’s the right time to pivot. Otherwise it’s just panic adding to the problem.
Not sure if the OP is joking or not.
Long flying porches
This guys a cat6.
[removed]
Imma frame this and put it on my fridge
Hot take: we can’t go below June bottom because we haven’t seen shitty earnings yet.
Is that why the printer is stuck, JPow gooped it up from furious masturbating?
Op still thinks the news drives the market and not timing of market mechanics
A masterpiece!
Biden: literally begging oil companies to not raise gas prices.
Quality shitpost
Only made it to a Cat 4… so market will plummet now
Good shit right here. You should start a news blog or something. It’s even 5x as funny if you read it out loud in a jaunty reporter voice.
I know art when I see it
i forgot the hurricane of course explains so much
$9 per gallon will cause the White House to catch fire spontaneously
TURN ON THE MONEY PRINTER
TLDR. 
Throw in Biden talking to dead people and I think we are about ready to go to the moon
It Really Do Be Like That Sometimes
Bull trap