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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT….(read more)
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Narcissists and the Silent Treatment: An Unhealthy Dynamic
Narcissism is a personality disorder in which an individual has an extreme sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for attention and admiration. In relationships, these traits can lead to manipulation and emotional abuse, including the use of the silent treatment as a form of control.
The silent treatment is a tactic used by some individuals to punish or manipulate others. It involves giving the cold shoulder, ignoring communication, or refusing to engage in conversation. Narcissists may use this technique to exert power and control over their partners, as well as to avoid responsibility for their actions.
One of the most concerning aspects of the silent treatment is its impact on the victim’s mental health. It can lead to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and loneliness. Victims may wonder what they did wrong and try to apologize or rectify the situation, only to be met with further silence or dismissal. This can erode self-esteem and create a cycle of self-doubt.
Additionally, the silent treatment can be a form of emotional abuse. It is a way for the narcissist to assert dominance and control over their partner, creating a power dynamic in which the victim feels powerless and dependent. This can lead to feelings of trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) over time.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and are experiencing the silent treatment, it is important to recognize the behavior for what it is and seek support. This may involve talking to a therapist, reaching out to a support group or loved ones, or even leaving the relationship altogether.
It is also important to remember that the silent treatment is not your fault. You are not responsible for the narcissist’s behavior, nor should you internalize their criticism or blame. By standing up for yourself and seeking help, you can break the cycle of abuse and begin to heal from the trauma.
In conclusion, the silent treatment is a harmful tactic used by narcissists to control and manipulate their partners. It can lead to profound emotional and mental distress, creating an unhealthy dynamic that erodes self-esteem and damages relationships. By recognizing the behavior and seeking support, victims can break free from the narcissist’s grip and begin to heal from the trauma inflicted upon them.
Someone one I know refused to talk with me when we sat down for dinner. So I started wearing headphones at meals to listen to music or Youtube videos. He got mad and said I was starting problems. I told him I wasn't accepting blame for his problem and that until he decides to talk to me I will continue to wear headphones at dinner.
Exactly the same behaviour as bpd
My husband of 38 years accuses me of disgusting sexual acts from highschool years. Non of them are true but at this point I don't care. His sexual activity with me is over the top and it's definitely something I don't want. Please let me know what to do. I'm a whore. For no reason (nothing that is true) . but then he's obsessed with sex.
Not sure what dr. Ramani means by “sticking it out,” apart from ignoring and even dolling it right back… I grew up that way incidentally…
I am living with my wife having all the qualities of NPD. She gave me and my family, relatives a silent treatment not speaking with anyone.
Comparing a narcissist to a toddler is spot on
…ON the BUTTON Doc.!
Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment:
• Stonewalling
• Gaslighting
• Emotional immaturity
• Lack of interpersonal skill
• Victimhood
• Dysregulation
Reasons for a healthy-minded individual to give the silent treatment:
• To establish a boundary after their boundaries have been continuously crossed. It's a last resort for someone who is emotionally capable and mature enough to communicate.
WHAT'S CRAZY IS THAT THE SILENT TREATMENT IS NEEDED FOR VICTIMS TO ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY, BUT WHEN A NARCISSISTIC PERSON DOES IT, IT'S TO MANIPULATE.
THE REASON FOR GIVING THE SILENT TREATMENT IS THE KEY HERE.
I went to a work party with the narc….His boss sexually harassed me…The narc did nothing but one of his work mates told the boss off…Narc gave me the silent treatment for a week…Go figure.
Me and my husband are both like this after arguments
It was his way of setting a boundary that if he does something wrong or I'm hurt, we don't talk about it
So I have a child by a aggressive and violent ex boyfriend. Been together for a year. He is not talking to me because I’m put my foot down and confronted him with the things I hear about him on the streets. He passed me up a few months ago on a bike trail and he passes me up not even asking about his child and then another week I was with his son and he passed me up again. Till this day he still doesn’t call to check on his child but he does pay child support . I still send him pictures of his child. Should I stop doing that? I’m trying to be the bigger person and make sure when my child is grown my son sees that did my part as a parent.
The silent treatment can be a gift of peace if you let it. If you're stuck in a relationship with a narcissist and they give you the silent treatment, enjoy the peace while you can. Think of it as a mini vacation from their verbal BS (lying, gaslighting, etc). In my opinion, the silent treatment is not the best strategy for a narcissist – you might enjoy the peace and decide to make the vacation a permanent one. Best decision I ever made was to divorce my serial cheating covert narcissist husband.
When I want to put up boundaries and not overly engage with a narcissist, is that ME giving silent treatment?
This. It’s also unacceptable(.)
Yesss use the silent treatment to avoid aggression revenge court dates and harm…. im soooo angry right now, im glad i have thia tool and tactic… ive transformed something damaging into a fun chess game…
YESSSSS !! THANK GOD FOR THE SILENT TREATMENT !! ITS GOIN ON DAY 3 !! ITS LIKE A CHALLENGETO RESTRAIN FROM COMMUNICATING TO THOSE LOSERS !! IM SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT U ! AND U DONT DESERVE ME !!
I called my narc mom to say hi the other day and all she did was stay static silent on the phone. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Seems familiar in my situation I started dating a guy 2 months ago and he always thought he was right and when I called him out on it he got so angry he blocked me and would texted me it is my fault so I blocked him back it's very narcissistic behavior
I am through with a type of relationship thats been dangerous from the beginning why dont we all have inside warnings BEFORE they try to rule your world? I apologized and got so much dribble – its gone all over the church and people will not come to my group because of you got BLAMED but thats not the whole case. People came to me because of the private questions she was asking and all i said was go to her and ask her to stick to the programme its none of my business but then Im just over this and now its leave time
Started at 6 and continued until 39 when I was discarded and 3 years later not a peep, so very painful.
Am I a narcissist? Married 21 years female, my husband has alit of these behavior's, lately I've seen some in me , we've been separated 2years he pops back home fast no communication like whole relationship, and weak not correct I threw him out and blacked out , he said he had whiplash and bump on his head. I say mean things , actually I repeat his cruel ugly verbal insults back at him he's done this since 2 years I to marriage,
Am I a narcissist too now? I'm trying to leave feels paralyzed, mental restrictions
I live with this, the last bout lasted 3 weeks, how long will the punishment last this time?
The more I watch your videos, the more validating they are for me because I keep seeing so many signs of my mother being a narcissist (covert probably?) and it really helps with the self doubt – I don't want to go no contact or completely gray stone, but I am moving out to live on my own, so here's to things becoming better in the future :') thank you for your amazing videos, they've really helped me!
What type of narcissist talk through other people?
So, when I separated from my narcissist I decided that the only safe course for me was to eliminate all contact. I assume that I will be called a narcissist because I went silent.
Short term relationship, love bombed me, showered me with expensive gifts and Constantly told me how much he loved me. 3 days after a Great weekend he broke things off via text very coldly and made me feel I did something wrong…is this narcissistic behavior?
I always hate the silent treatment right before bed. There is nothing I can say that will resolve the issue, and I better not fall asleep without resolving the issue. It’s a lose lose situation.
They give you the silent treatment because they are self centered. They are outright spoiled.
What if I’m the one doing the silent treatment to the narcissist?
Is there any chance the person giving you the silent treatment is NOT a narcissist?
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani, I can feel great shifts in understanding through your work and clarity. I have withstood silent treatment from my sister for over three years and it was something that also occurred in my family when I was a child. I now understand the level of pain and how I was drawn into certain responses, thank you.
Am I safe leaving a narcissistic alcoholic
I've spent the better part of this last year and a half dealing with silent treatment from my grown, 60 yr. old older sister. Fortunately we don't live in the same town so that makes it somewhat easier. I'm 58 and have a younger sister as well. Been dealing with narcissism for a very long time. My dad was a classic narcissist. He abused my mom, my 2 sisters and I for our entire childhood. I struggled with understanding until I finally sought counseling at 50. Thank God I did that!!! Only recently have I been able to see the same (NPD), if not much worse in my older sister. I can check all the NPD boxes with either one of them. My mom has been married to my dad for over 60 years now, even though multiple counselors over the years told her to leave him she did not. I look back at the years of my struggling with my dad and think much of my efforts were in some way trying to help save my mom. Oddly enough, today, we're experiencing a complete change in him. He has Alzheimer's now and is in memory care. He's done a 180 for sure. He's a kind and loving man…go figure. So different than the father I grew up with. Sorry I had to wait this long and this way to get the dad I always wished I'd had. A lot of damage done so, as for forgiveness, that's an ongoing process. My mom & I help care for him now. Does he deserve any of it "NO" but, it's grace we're showing him. 10 grandkids but none make a huge effort to see him. Proof that to some degree, you definitely reap what you sow in life. Now dealing with the NPD older sister. I thought I was done with all this. Ugh!!! Glad to be grown while dealing with this now. Have learned so much more than I had before. Thankful for the knowledge I"ve gained over the years and the greater understanding of the need for boundaries. No more guilt like I've had in the past. Thanks for the videos Dr. R. All of them are so spot on!!! All I can say to others…Get help…Get counseling and/or GET Out if you need to…it's not gonna get better unless of course you wait long enough and they end up with Alzheimer's. NPD is so damaging and darn UGLY!!!!!
Thank you so much for explaining.
Also flip everything on you how do you ignore them its hard when you love them but they continue to hurt you
I enjoy the silent treatment. I don't have to talk to my narcissistic roommates.
Thank you for educating us … ❤❤
At what point does silence during an argument constitute "the silent treatment"? I sometimes shut down during arguments because I am not being understood or acknowledged and literally EVERYTHING is being interpreted as an attack, regardless of intention or tone. During the silent period, I will sometimes do dishes or take out trash. The silence never lasts more than about 20 minutes before I feel safe enough to try and re-engage.
What's worse? Silence or a 100%chance of having even the most conciliatory statement interpreted as an attack.
Don't forget that they will give you the silent treatment with the steel face and will talk on the phone next to you all bubbly and happy.